Sunday, August 27, 2006

From walls and blocks to the chains of tanks

Back from Rafah crossing..After stories and adventures. Got in by a miracle.

Their second night at home after the indescribable trip back from Egypt, there was an invasion close by their house.
At 11pm, I call them just to make sure things are ok, (there is 10 min distance by car from my house and theirs) mom said ...That she noticed some tanks on the border moving towards the military bases/crossing near us. They were far away but one could tell that something might happen. I hung up with her...Not taking this piece of info so seriously. I go to finish my day..With some work on my embroidery..And I turned on the little radio that is packed of local radio stations that can tell you the little details about what is going on in Gaza...When they happen.
The radio station started with this very known piece of music that comes before a "breaking news". The news was confirmed...Tens of tanks are moving along the east of Gaza..From the very north of the middle of the Strip. More movement was taking place close to our home there. I called mom, and I heard her voice so different than it was like 15 in earlier..And I heard the bullets coming from the Apache plane. Emergency status was declared....At least in my house. Me, the radio, and my embroidery that I kept on making the same mistakes while working on it again and again! The piece of cloth could not take more mistakes, as a man living near the border was screaming on the radio...With his big family that has at least 20 children. Thro four families live in the same building. Israeli tanks didn't even act as if there is people. They managed to hide and run away from the bulldozer destroying some parts of the house. And mom slept in the corridor...And then moved to her bed as the light came up.
I went to sleep and woke up at 5am...called her. They were fine. I went on with my regular day schedule.

The issue is not safety, really. It is many other things somehow related to this threat to your being. It is the exhaustion resulted from anxiety and fear that you experience each time you go to bed and you fear a bomb under it. This is simply what it is. It is the fear, anxiety, but mainly humiliation. Humiliation is what kills you,,,without realizing, because you face events one by one and you get excited sometimes, and you laugh you cry you care you don't..All those. Facing these noises and facing these scenes cause great feeling of disability of any humane element in you.


I love Munich said...

Naj, you have no idea HOW helpless I feel when I read that - helpless and bottomlessly angry!! I can't imagine anyone who's capable to live under THIS terror, 24/7!
HANG ON Naj ... tell the same your mom and to everyone you know! We're with you, love and respect you highly - and support you all the time!! BE STRONG DEAR!
Much love and strength!!

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